One of the things that I pride myself on as an Author/blogger, mental health professional and disciple of Jesus Christ is my devoted priority to living a transparent life so that others can know and see God’s work in and through my life.
In the same breath living a life with that level of transparency is not always the easiest thing to do. Especially with a diagnosis like anxiety, and having experienced battles with depression on multiple occasions. The very thing that I pride myself on doing, is the one thing that often makes my symptoms peak.
I learned a time ago that sometimes you have to be uncomfortable in order to make life a little better for others. It comes along with the territory of spending your life to serve others. While the benefits of living this type of lifestyle are priceless and the people you impact are totally worth it, there may come a time when you have to work extra hard to fight your personal feelings of insecurity and doubt.
For me, prior to this blog, I would tell people all about my life, dysfunction, success and failures, often failing to mention that I have high functioning anxiety and that I had to fight like hell to overcome my depression. Not because those things weren’t impacting my life, but because mental health diagnosis are often seen as a sign of weakness and defeat, and I didn’t want to be seen as weak when my number one compliment from others was in regard to how strong of a woman I am.
So there I was… creeping… keeping my diagnosis on the down low, hoping no one would ever know.
The truth is… My anxiety was making me believe that if people knew they would leave me. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and the depression only co-signed on the rejection letter I had to look at in the mirror every day.
My anxiety had me feeling like no one could ever LOVE me. Like I was hard to love. It had me wanting to give up on seeking things that I desire, like a healthy relationship, lasting friendships and overall happiness.
I didn’t want to live like that. So one day, I woke up and decided to change!! I couldn’t change my diagnosis but I could change my response to it.
I had to strap my seatbelt and get ready for the journey of a lifetime. One that just may last my entire lifetime and well, I’m finally okay with that reality.
The truth is that, mental health diagnosis don’t just go away over night. You don’t just wake up one day and no longer have to deal with them. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment to overcome any diagnosis, and even with all the dedication in the world, some mental health diagnosis are not… let’s say “fixable,” for a lack of a better word.
So I said all of that to say this… don’t be ashamed of your diagnosis. You have absolutely no reason to be. Your fight may be the very thing that encourages someone else to not give up. This world needs what you have to offer as a result of having to overcome and deal with something many people can’t even imagine. You are good enough. You are worth it. You are necessary and you do not have to creep!!! Be bold. Be loud. Be beautifully you!!!
Trust me. I get it. While the struggle is definitely sometimes real, the goal is to overcome every mental encounter!!
– Oddesty K. ❤